That last entry I actually wrote a couple days ago and only had a chance to post it now. It was right after class and I was pretty bummed, but at the moment I'm ok.
This weekend has been interesting. Yesterday after writing poetry all morning (sigh, how wonderful!), Isaac and I went to run some errands. We got back in the car at Huckleberry's grocery store, and the car didn't start. After trying to roll start it, I called AAA, and they tried to jump start it and couldn't. So they towed us to a shop, which was closed, and they fixed it today. Turns out it was the battery, which thankfully is cheaper than if it was the starter or something (so I'm told), but still, expensive and a hassle. Yuck.
This morning I hung out with a couple girls from my program, Ann and Frances. We ate pho at a Vietnamese restaurant and talked about our various experiences living in Asia, and then we went to Manito Park, which is huge and has six gardens. I am making an effort to hang out with people, though for some reason it's been hard for me. Tonight Isaac and I are going to a game night thing with some other people from EWU.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Staying positive
School is not my identity. Writing is not my identity.
I have to remember this when my nonfiction professor calls me out in class because I’m the only one of 17 who hasn’t joined in any of the discussions. And when she calls on me, I have nothing to say.
…when I actually do have good things to bring to the discussions but I can’t get the words out.
…when my classmates talk about writers I’ve never heard of and use words I can’t define (ALL the time).
…when I realize people are making friends with each other, yet I still hold everyone at arm’s length, constantly putting myself on the outside of circles and imagining that’s where I belong.
…when I read poems that are impossibly amazing.
…when I read poems that are terrible but people praise them, and I wonder what’s the point of trying to write well, if it’s so subjective?
…when I realize there is always someone better suited for the things I’m doing—the internships, the writing, the GSA. I find I’m not nearly as good at things as I thought.
…when I spend all day reading and writing for class and feel guilty for taking breaks.
…when I fall in love with writing, and then find this romance shattering my heart when doubts arise.
...when I look back on the only poem of mine that I love and realize I can never do it again.
I have to remember this when my nonfiction professor calls me out in class because I’m the only one of 17 who hasn’t joined in any of the discussions. And when she calls on me, I have nothing to say.
…when I actually do have good things to bring to the discussions but I can’t get the words out.
…when my classmates talk about writers I’ve never heard of and use words I can’t define (ALL the time).
…when I realize people are making friends with each other, yet I still hold everyone at arm’s length, constantly putting myself on the outside of circles and imagining that’s where I belong.
…when I read poems that are impossibly amazing.
…when I read poems that are terrible but people praise them, and I wonder what’s the point of trying to write well, if it’s so subjective?
…when I realize there is always someone better suited for the things I’m doing—the internships, the writing, the GSA. I find I’m not nearly as good at things as I thought.
…when I spend all day reading and writing for class and feel guilty for taking breaks.
…when I fall in love with writing, and then find this romance shattering my heart when doubts arise.
...when I look back on the only poem of mine that I love and realize I can never do it again.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Hello, Office Job
As of yesterday, I found myself working 8 hours a week at Get Lit!, one of the programs I'm interning with. And turns out it's 8 hours of sitting in front a computer. Which sometimes I love (after all, my grant writing job was the best I've had), and sometimes the minutes DRAAAAAG by. Right now all I'm doing is researching the bios of the authors who'll come to the big literary festival in the spring. Eventually it'll be blogging and writing press releases and articles for the program guide.
Classes are going well. The nonfiction class will not be my favorite of my two years in the program. It's focused on pre-20th century essays, and the ones we've read seem self-centered and pointless, not to mention tedious. The only reason I'm enjoying it at all is because I'm still a little in love with simply being back in school again...reading, thinking, reading, writing, reading....
Poetry workshop has been more comfortable and pleasant. Reading poetry and discussing each others' poetry. We "workshopped" for the first time last night, and everyone was SO nice, even about poems that weren't great. I hope people won't sugarcoat it when my stuff needs serious work.
It's so interesting being part of a secular school as opposed to the Christian college I went to. I can see the differences even in the philosophy of writing. So often I think, "What's the point?" Writing seems like a way for people to love their own voices, nothing more.
Theoretically, each credit is 3-4 hours of work per week. So that puts me between...42 and 56 hours. Oh, actually doesn't seem so bad when I add it all up.
Isaac and I are getting involved with a church we really like. It's called Vintage Faith (I know, right? Everything cool is "vintage" these days, so annoyingly trendy). They meet three times a month at a girls' scout building nearby and then have one week of "scattering," where the small groups (called community groups) go out and do stuff together in the community. We're part of one that meets in my neighborhood, and we've hung out with one of the couples--Aaron and Erica--from it once or twice. The heart of the church is SO solid... focused on doing life together rather than the unhealthy church model of only going on Sunday mornings. And so deeply Christ-centered, so real, grounded, actively helping people.
I wish I could get as involved as I want to in the things that are available. There are so many cool people to get to know and events to go to and new places to explore and student discounts to take advantage of...and...homework. Oh, yeah.
Classes are going well. The nonfiction class will not be my favorite of my two years in the program. It's focused on pre-20th century essays, and the ones we've read seem self-centered and pointless, not to mention tedious. The only reason I'm enjoying it at all is because I'm still a little in love with simply being back in school again...reading, thinking, reading, writing, reading....
Poetry workshop has been more comfortable and pleasant. Reading poetry and discussing each others' poetry. We "workshopped" for the first time last night, and everyone was SO nice, even about poems that weren't great. I hope people won't sugarcoat it when my stuff needs serious work.
It's so interesting being part of a secular school as opposed to the Christian college I went to. I can see the differences even in the philosophy of writing. So often I think, "What's the point?" Writing seems like a way for people to love their own voices, nothing more.
Theoretically, each credit is 3-4 hours of work per week. So that puts me between...42 and 56 hours. Oh, actually doesn't seem so bad when I add it all up.
Isaac and I are getting involved with a church we really like. It's called Vintage Faith (I know, right? Everything cool is "vintage" these days, so annoyingly trendy). They meet three times a month at a girls' scout building nearby and then have one week of "scattering," where the small groups (called community groups) go out and do stuff together in the community. We're part of one that meets in my neighborhood, and we've hung out with one of the couples--Aaron and Erica--from it once or twice. The heart of the church is SO solid... focused on doing life together rather than the unhealthy church model of only going on Sunday mornings. And so deeply Christ-centered, so real, grounded, actively helping people.
I wish I could get as involved as I want to in the things that are available. There are so many cool people to get to know and events to go to and new places to explore and student discounts to take advantage of...and...homework. Oh, yeah.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Weird, I go to a huge school
If anyone's looking for me, I'm the (almost) 24-year old walking wide-eyed around a college campus in Cheney (i.e. the middle of nowhere). Since most of my MFA stuff has been in Spokane so far, I forget that I go to this huge school with thousands of youngsters. But it's SO much fun thinking that with a student status, I can take advantage of a lot of great opportunities on the main campus of a huge university.
The last couple days, I've come out here to Cheney (about an hour-long bus ride, including one transfer, actually not too bad) to get some training in the Writers' Center. I'm starting out just learning how to do the "responding" (like tutoring, but not tutoring at all), and as the quarter goes on, I'll learn more of the GSA responsibilities I'll be taking on next quarter. So far so good.
The last couple days, I've come out here to Cheney (about an hour-long bus ride, including one transfer, actually not too bad) to get some training in the Writers' Center. I'm starting out just learning how to do the "responding" (like tutoring, but not tutoring at all), and as the quarter goes on, I'll learn more of the GSA responsibilities I'll be taking on next quarter. So far so good.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Hooray, school!!
Let's be honest... I've waited over two years to start this MFA program. And here I am, starting it :) Last night was my first class, 3 and a half hours of Form and Theory--Nonfiction I, Pre-20th Century. Tons of work--reading a book and writing a 500-word essay every week, two big research projects and two final papers, plus various daily assignments at random. A lot to fit into 10 weeks. But it felt so good to sit in a class again, go over a syllabus, have a class discussion.
I've met a bunch of people in my program now. I went to a couple Willow Springs meetings, went thrift-store shopping with Cathie, a classmate from California, went on a hike with a bunch of fiction and poetry first years, and now have met people in class. I love that everyone is from somewhere different--North Carolina, Indiana, Hawaii, Wisconsin, D.C., Texas, California, Tennessee, Florida, Michigan, Iowa. I think it says a lot about the program.
Things are almost totally together move-wise. I have all my furniture except a desk chair, and I have everything set in place except internet. Senia stopped by on her way from Minnesota-Vancouver the other day, and I was telling her how I like Spokane because it's a low-profile city...not a destination, nothing huge, just this little city no one really appreciates but which has some awesome stuff to offer. It feels really good to be here.
I've met a bunch of people in my program now. I went to a couple Willow Springs meetings, went thrift-store shopping with Cathie, a classmate from California, went on a hike with a bunch of fiction and poetry first years, and now have met people in class. I love that everyone is from somewhere different--North Carolina, Indiana, Hawaii, Wisconsin, D.C., Texas, California, Tennessee, Florida, Michigan, Iowa. I think it says a lot about the program.
Things are almost totally together move-wise. I have all my furniture except a desk chair, and I have everything set in place except internet. Senia stopped by on her way from Minnesota-Vancouver the other day, and I was telling her how I like Spokane because it's a low-profile city...not a destination, nothing huge, just this little city no one really appreciates but which has some awesome stuff to offer. It feels really good to be here.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
the end of the road (in a good way)
I really do plan on keeping my blog up. I’ve been thinking almost daily about writing in it and haven’t had the chance.
Had a wonderful time in Portland/Seattle/Maui. Spent a short flurry of time with family and friends, got to see Martha in her new apartment overlooking (kind of) Puget Sound, met her awesome boyfriend Austin. Caught up with a lot of people in Hawaii, all my old coworkers and friends from church. Went on hikes and swims and snorkels. I’m kind of amazed at the crazy vine-swinging rock-jumping water-plunging stuff I did while I lived on Maui, and was much more hesitant to do it again. The wedding prep took up quite a bit of time. We helped the family wash dishes for catering and ended up putting together all the music for the ceremony, reception, and dance (I had the honor of working the ipod at the wedding). It was all a lot of fun, and great to spend more time with Isaac’s family (not to mention finally getting to see Isaac again and knowing we don’t have to part ways this time!).
I forgot how beautiful Maui is. I must have said “it’s so beautiful” a hundred times when I first moved there, and it hit me fresh. I’m glad to not be living there anymore, but it still felt like a special place and there were plenty of nostalgia waves.
And then Isaac and I flew back to Seattle for a couple more nights to hang out with Martha and Austin, and then drove my car back to Spokane—what a feeling of homecoming! Here we are in a brand new city neither of us has ever lived in, and it feels like we can finally put down roots and establish a sense of normalcy individually and together. We stayed at Wescombe’s for a few nights, but I moved into my new apartment pretty quickly, and very shortly thereafter, God provided the perfect apartment for Isaac, and he moved in two days after we first looked at it. We both found total gems…. My apartment gets amazing light, has fantastic kitchen and bath
room floors, and has a fold-down bed, table, and ironing board; his has a balcony and beautiful hardwood floors and a gas stove (which he really wanted for cooking). Both are in our price ranges and have very few problems.
The last week has been kind of insane, what with moving, registering my car, getting my WA drivers license, figuring out new driving/biking/walking routes, going to a million thrift stores, buying groceries and other necessities, meeting with people about various school-related things, buying textbooks, setting up electric and internet, getting renters’ insurance, changing our addresses with a bunch of companies, and working out problems with mail delivery. But good. I’m having kind of extreme nesting anxieties because I’m missing major pieces of furniture—a futon (my Murphy bed is not very comfortable) and a desk—so I’m still sleeping on the floor and my stuff is still in boxes lined against the wall. I’m so antsy to put things away and decorate, but it feels like I’m (still) living out of a suitcase.
I met with the director of a program called Get Lit! through Eastern Washington U, and I think I’m going to go that route for my required internship credits. They have this huge literary festival every year that brings well-known authors to Spokane to do readings and workshops, and they also hold poetry slams and kids/teens writing programs. My position would be writing/editing assistant, and I’d put together little articles and author bios and write press releases, mostly. It sounds like it could be great experience working for a non-profit that focuses on something I love. As the time gets closer, I’m getting anxious for how hectic my school schedule is going to be, but I’m also so excited to read poetry and write again. One week to go!
Oh, and exciting news—this summer I finally got my act together and submitted poems to a couple journals. One turned me down, but the other—called Rock & Sling—is going to publish one of them! Yay!
Had a wonderful time in Portland/Seattle/Maui. Spent a short flurry of time with family and friends, got to see Martha in her new apartment overlooking (kind of) Puget Sound, met her awesome boyfriend Austin. Caught up with a lot of people in Hawaii, all my old coworkers and friends from church. Went on hikes and swims and snorkels. I’m kind of amazed at the crazy vine-swinging rock-jumping water-plunging stuff I did while I lived on Maui, and was much more hesitant to do it again. The wedding prep took up quite a bit of time. We helped the family wash dishes for catering and ended up putting together all the music for the ceremony, reception, and dance (I had the honor of working the ipod at the wedding). It was all a lot of fun, and great to spend more time with Isaac’s family (not to mention finally getting to see Isaac again and knowing we don’t have to part ways this time!).
I forgot how beautiful Maui is. I must have said “it’s so beautiful” a hundred times when I first moved there, and it hit me fresh. I’m glad to not be living there anymore, but it still felt like a special place and there were plenty of nostalgia waves.
And then Isaac and I flew back to Seattle for a couple more nights to hang out with Martha and Austin, and then drove my car back to Spokane—what a feeling of homecoming! Here we are in a brand new city neither of us has ever lived in, and it feels like we can finally put down roots and establish a sense of normalcy individually and together. We stayed at Wescombe’s for a few nights, but I moved into my new apartment pretty quickly, and very shortly thereafter, God provided the perfect apartment for Isaac, and he moved in two days after we first looked at it. We both found total gems…. My apartment gets amazing light, has fantastic kitchen and bath
room floors, and has a fold-down bed, table, and ironing board; his has a balcony and beautiful hardwood floors and a gas stove (which he really wanted for cooking). Both are in our price ranges and have very few problems.
The last week has been kind of insane, what with moving, registering my car, getting my WA drivers license, figuring out new driving/biking/walking routes, going to a million thrift stores, buying groceries and other necessities, meeting with people about various school-related things, buying textbooks, setting up electric and internet, getting renters’ insurance, changing our addresses with a bunch of companies, and working out problems with mail delivery. But good. I’m having kind of extreme nesting anxieties because I’m missing major pieces of furniture—a futon (my Murphy bed is not very comfortable) and a desk—so I’m still sleeping on the floor and my stuff is still in boxes lined against the wall. I’m so antsy to put things away and decorate, but it feels like I’m (still) living out of a suitcase.
I met with the director of a program called Get Lit! through Eastern Washington U, and I think I’m going to go that route for my required internship credits. They have this huge literary festival every year that brings well-known authors to Spokane to do readings and workshops, and they also hold poetry slams and kids/teens writing programs. My position would be writing/editing assistant, and I’d put together little articles and author bios and write press releases, mostly. It sounds like it could be great experience working for a non-profit that focuses on something I love. As the time gets closer, I’m getting anxious for how hectic my school schedule is going to be, but I’m also so excited to read poetry and write again. One week to go!
Oh, and exciting news—this summer I finally got my act together and submitted poems to a couple journals. One turned me down, but the other—called Rock & Sling—is going to publish one of them! Yay!
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