Bangkok

And here come the emotions I thought I was somehow free of.

Almost all 30 hours of travel time between Portland and Bangkok went well. No mishaps or late planes or lost luggage, nothing too confusing in the airports. I actually slept for 6 or 7 hours on my longest flight (13 and a half hours), which was great because I had the worst headache I've ever had, I think from the pressure in my sinuses (I have a cold). My ears were also plugged the whole time and I felt like I was in a tunnel. I really do love that time of transition; it makes me feel creative and intrigued by my surroundings.

Rung, my roommate for the next few months and one of the staff at Santisuk, met me at the airport. We've been skyping, and it was cool to get to meet her in person. She brought me back to the apartment, a little studio with white tile floor and a balcony that looks out onto a very Mombasa-like scene. Bangkok totally reminds me of Kenya...muggy, dirty, loud, crowded, colorful. I love it. Well, perhaps love is still a strong word at this point. Then she gave me a tour of Santisuk, a tall but cozy nice corner building just across the street from her place (there's a little pedestrian bridge to get there). I met a bunch of people, felt overwhelmed, went to this huge mall, felt overwhelmed, ate at the foodcourt at another mall, felt overwhelmed, went to this market, felt like I was in Mombasa and totally enjoyed it, and then came back to the apartment and cried for a while. I sat in on part of an evening class and then crashed a little before 9.

I'm so bombarded by emotions.... It's nice to be able to overlay everything with what I know about culture shock, giving myself room to freak out a little and know I'm not crazy, but it doesn't make it easier to be suddenly cut off from everything and everyone familiar. I wanted to call my parents and Isaac so many times and I couldn't. I don't get internet in the apartment (I'm using Rung's computer right now--she gets it through her phone). I've never felt so alone, even worse because everyone here is so together, so comfortable with each other. I didn't really think about what it would be like to live for four months in a place where I don't speak the language and most people outside of Santisuk don't speak English. I didn't think about a lot of things, I just dove in.

I feel a little bit like when Jeanie and I moved to Hawaii--overwhelmed by all the things we had to do to adjust, literally and emotionally. It would have been so easy to get buried under the weight of all of it, but we could push each other forward. Now there's no one, I have to push myself forward.... Or I guess I have to learn God really is enough and his strength will get me through anything. My faith has never been tested quite like this before.

Really, it could be worse, and I think about friends who go somewhere for a year, who don't have internet access at all (I can get wifi at Santisuk), who haven't lived overseas before.... I can deeply sympathize with them.

Anyway, I hope to eventually write more interesting things than how bummed I am, but it might be a little while.