Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The beginning of the end

I am a control freak. I either just realized this or I continue to forget it, because I surprised myself yesterday by figuring out the reason I am frequently overcome with anxiety (seriously, it's like every two or three months I freak out) is that I can't control things. I stress out because so much of my future--all of it, really--is out of my hands. I can set plans in motion, but I can't predict what exactly will happen. So. Deep breath. Let go.

Life is good. I am anxious, I overthink things, work is monotonous, my mind is turning to mush with disuse, I'm ready to leave yet scared about the future, three of my closest friends (Isaac, David, and Micah) are gone...but somehow it's good. I never want to take now for granted and miss out on what's right in front of me. Even though I feel like I'm in a holding pattern, just waiting to leave Maui, there is SO much to be grateful for: this is paradise, after all--there is still endless adventuring to be done and bays to swim in and sun to bask in; Jeff fixed our brakes AGAIN, costing us $100 instead of $1000 (or really, a new car); there are more friends to get to know and fascinating people to meet; I can walk half a block to Minit Stop and get spam musubi any time I want.... Really, I have absolutely nothing to complain about.